All I want or what I want.

All I want or what I want.

I listened Lambada today, I was driving home from work, with a bit of luck I haven’t had any accident, or produced one. I know myself, I dream with my eyes open, I’m not present anymore. I listened on repeat that song, several times and I was in Brazil this time. I was on the beach and I was dancing in the sand.

Well, I don’t even know how to dance but I remember perfectly the video clip. I was really young when I first saw it, with that two kids dancing even though their parents wouldn’t allow. The father of the girl especially, but the young boy didn’t give up. His mother was even better than him, she invited her father to dance and they all ended up dancing, smiling and just be happy. It’s good that I remember the story but I don’t remember when I last saw the video clip.

It’s funny how the mind works, it’s fascinating. But what it’s actually more fascinating is the kids’ mind, how it works. They just liked each other and they were so pure and eager to share a moment together, a moment of happiness and even if the parents were not allowing that they still danced, just beautiful.

I was actually pretty impressed with the mother, she saw everything and she acted and she made it even more beautiful. Where did we screw everything up?

You can watch the video clip yourself and you will probably see another version of the events. My version is that we are so behind in life and so far away from what is called, happiness. Look at those kids, they didn’t listen, and they were happy. Look at the mother, she was so open and also didn’t think too much, she just acted. But now look at the father, why wouldn’t let her daughter dancing with that boy? I’m guessing prejudices.

Who is making these standards, who is telling us be happy? Who are these who are brainwashing us? Telling us, do that, make that, you will be happy. Or, you have a dream car, you have a home, hell you are loaded with money, no problem whatsoever.

I truly believe these standards are making us sick, superficiality makes us sick. Problems, hmm, I actually like problems, it’s not my idea but I felt it for a long time, just to be confirmed by a book. I’m just going to ask you, a simple question, how do you feel after solving a problem? I’m not going to answer for you, you know how. Yeah, we only have problems; you solve one, comes the next one, o really? Good morning people, life is a problem.

I’m just writing things, I just leave my mind free, and before I write something I don’t even think about it. I don’t have a plan or topic in my mind. Why would you listen to me? I don’t care really. You know why, because there is fact, you read something, you see something, you feel something, it’s already on your mind. It’s happening with me too, I say I don’t care, who is this to tell me what to do, what he knows. When you dream and you see a face, but you don’t know that face, well, I will surprise you, you saw that face in your life time. Our brain, magical as it is, it cannot make up a face.

So, in conclusion, what do I do? I’m trying to be what I want and  how I want to be and I’m trying not to close any door, in that way I will not miss the opportunity to learn something, about anything or anyone, I said, I’m trying J

All I want or what I want.

All I want is you to think, how to be free, because I do for myself. What I want, is you to answer.

P.S The answer is in the next sentence and it goes like this: What is the color of you t-shirt? Common admit it, you looked to see it. Just a minor mind game. Or  it’s not a t-shirt…

Today

Thousand things or none.

I have a thousand things to say to you, and a thousand reasons not to.

People are more what they hide than what they say. It is never as scary as it looks, life it’s a movement state, not a static state, you can’t fight life, and life has to follow you, not you to follow the life. People always leave but the heart will always remember. Think about that day in the past, when you said it can’t go worse, or what’s the end of this. What did you do? Probably nothing, life happened and now you are here, it’s gone, so what happens today, it won’t stay in your life for long. Am I playing with your mind now? Did you really think about what I said?

Probably. What do you feel now?

They say follow your passion, they say to behave yourself and to be good with others. But what do you think about this? Let your passion to follow you. Maybe you are chasing the wrong thing for you. Are you passionate about something? Think how you got there and how does it make you feel. Great, I would say. Are you wondering how and why? Make this exercise with me. Today it will be sunny or today it will be raining, take some extra layer, big changes. What do you prefer or can you relate somehow? Make an analogy. If you think like this, can it be an influence on you? They say pain changes people, have you ever wonder how? Better or worse? I think you are great in your own way. Today, yesterday, tomorrow, routine? Don’t think so, just embrace what it comes, you can’t fight it anyway.

Quiz, have you ever wondered about how many people are you thinking in day? Take a break now, you just did 🙂

Time is passing

I’m watching you as the time is passing. I don’t know where I saw that, or heard, but today I feel it in my bones. I know is supposed to be metaphorical, but it is not. I’m really watching you and the time, is really passing. It hurts.

It’s been a while since we talked the last time; the time is our witness, what happened?

It feels like a silly question, considering that I feel responsible for that. I don’t have words to explain how I feel. My imagination is playing a trick on me. It can’t be true.

The time has passed, but nothing changed with me, I’m still there, where I was the whole time. I don’t remember the last time when I actually thought that is over, because is pretty alive, every day, my thoughts, my feelings, you are there. There is no curtain to hide; there is no place to hide.

I’m afraid of you; I get anxious only by the feeling that I have to talk with you, even if we are not. When it came to you in the past, I did many things, things that probably I should have not done. But I don’t regret it, you have no idea how much you have changed me, even if it does not look, or feels like that at the moment, and I never told you that, how grateful I’m.

I messed everything up, and I ended up, sad! I don’t like missing people; I don’t like to be restrained to talk with someone. Missing someone, I think, it’s the most powerful feeling in the world, is the one that numbs you, is the one that makes you crazy.

It is a paradox at the moment, my feelings are numb, but missing you is something that is pretty alive, something that hurts and something that has to stay with me, I’m hurting people having this feelings, and I really thought that is not me, but I’m and I’m not proud.

I will have to bare everything inside of myself and to pray that one day, I will be ok. Because I’m tired of hurting people or myself.